There is nothing like little rascals to push my buttons and make me feel crazy. So, when I get asked about parental advice or my personal parenting style, I can’t help but laugh.
I had a childhood that was very loving, yet screwed up in many ways. Try growing up in poor communist country with young parents who were barely adults themselves!
Which is maybe why this topic matters to me a great deal. I’ve always felt, even before my kids were conceived, that nothing was going to matter as much to me in this lifetime as raising happy, free, emotionally supported children.
Aligned children – children who are connected to their intuition and inner wisdom and who feel capable of achieving anything they desire in their life.
I’d rather cut my right arm off than continue to follow the patterns of pain that have been passed down in my family for generations. (Yes, I’m dramatic – I’m Russian!)
It was during the 6-day home birth of my twins that I discovered just how powerful a mother’s intuition is. I felt this incredible sense of responsibility to actually see through what it would be like to raise children who remain in touch with their power, divinity and wholeness.
And I knew that it would require me to stay connected to my personal alignment.
In the last 5 years of raising my twin boy and girl, I’ve realized that to parent in an aligned way is not only my greatest desire, but also my greatest opportunity.
Because as one of my grad school teachers said: “Parenting is the hardest spiritual path.”
I thought it may be time to share my principles of Aligned Parenting (this is a term I feel most comfortable with, but some also call this Conscious or Mindful parenting).
Watch the video below for the three keys to raise conscious children and stay sane. Then, please let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
1. It’s All About You, All The Time
So much of our culture wants to focus on the child’s behavior and how we can solve it.
But it’s not about changing your child, it’s about changing yourself.
Because you are at the center of your own universe and every behavior and situation you experience (with your child or anyone else) was co-created by you.
Children are amazing mirrors and can be powerful catalysts for deep personal change within us. Use the parent child relationship to grow as a person and watch your children blossom into their beautiful own individual beings.
2. Triggers Are Good
Recognize that triggers are good and view them as big opportunities.
Acknowledge that your children are going to push your buttons and bring the worst out of you.
If there was no button to push, they couldn’t push it. So they are showing you areas where you are out of alignment or integrity with yourself and your true desires.
Honor the contrast with your children by recognizing each painful experience as a calling to clean up your vibration, perspective and attitude.
Then it will be easy to see the silver lining and gift in every disaster or fight with your kids.
3. Practice Gratitude and Deliberate Positive Focus
We tend to repeat the patterns of how our parents raised us. It’s what we know and how we’ve learned to view the world.
If you want to see something different, you have to do something different.
To have a different relationship with your children, it will be imperative to learn to train your thoughts and beliefs into the ones you prefer, and let go of the ones you grew up with.
Practicing daily gratitude is or doing exercises to strengthen your ability to choose your thoughts and emotions instead of reacting, is one of the most powerful tools for transformation. This applies both in your relationship with yourself and in how you view your children.
In sum, children can lead to your greatest downfalls or your biggest triumphs. Probably both. And that is what makes the child-parent relationship so sacred and miraculous.
Now I would love to hear from you…
- What is the hardest challenge you’ve faced in parenting?
- What does Aligned Parenting mean to you?
- Do you agree or disagree with the principles I’ve outlined and what can you add as a key to a happy & healthy parent-child relationship?
I look forward to an amazing discussion on this topic and to a new generation of parents and children that will be the change the world has been waiting for.
I am so happy you said you’re going to do an online workshop for this because I was bummed to see your other one is in person. I’ve never thought about parenting being a spiritual path and to use those frustrating, painful moments as an opportunity to figure out where I need to clean up my vibration. I’ve spent the last 5 years not getting much sleep and I’ve often wondered why I attracted that to myself, but at the same time found it difficult to pin point my issue.
Loved this video and I swear I think I manifested it from you, I’ve been hoping you’d share more about your experience as a mother! 😉 Please do the online workshop!!
It’s a powerful perspective shift Jessica! Keep an eye out for my emails in the next month or so announcing the online Aligned Parenting workshop!
Yes!! Parents everywhere would be jumping for joy and feeling relief right now! I know I am! It’s about time we begin to talk about Parenting from a place of alignment and empowerment. I love this so much Lana! As a Parent Coach I understand and see the value of this video and your suggestions. I practice them “religiously” myself 🙂 To learn to flow with life and to use parenting as a practice to expand to our greatest potential.
One of the opportunities for me in my parenting is my TONE and communicating with softness during the tough days. I’ve realized that my momma comes out of me during this time. I can sound harsh, loud or rough even though their is a lot of love and good intention.
One of the ways that I have been working on this is to breath and take a few moment before I address my children and to separate the action from the child. So I could say something like I love you or like you but I don’t like that behavior.
As a GFY member I make my personal alignment priority and in doing so I take all my relationships to the next level!
I can relate to the reactions that come out Karina! What you’ve described above helps, and also I think it’s key to honor ourselves and our emotions of frustrations or anger and know that we don’t have to be ‘perfect’. When we show our kids that it’s ok to feel something that doesn’t feel good and then follow the path of least resistance to find alignment, we are modeling for them how to always find a way to feel better.
And I’m so honored and glad to have you in the GFY!!!
I wanted to chime in here because I do think we have such a great opportunity to learn and grow as parents.
For me, I find it incredibly grounding and loving to simply repeat back what my child is saying. Yea we hear this a lot from different people (it’s good for relationships, business, etc). But my fave way to use this is in parenting. It connects me to the moment, to my child AND it allows my child to learn that what he has to say is valuable. Also teaches him that we listen to each other.
If ever I find my child not listening to me I pause and see if I’ve been modeling that for him.
Doesn’t mean I do what he wants. But at least I’ve heard him.
aligned parenting hack–reading books about feelings. We have TONS! I was so proud of my son the other day when he paused and said, mommy…I’m feeling angry. He’s 3!
It was incredible to notice that he didn’t linger there. Simply identifying it dissipated the charge.
Love it.
Yes Alison, hearing our children and honoring what they feel is so key to emotionally stable kids (and adults)! And it’s always so amazing to see how kids move through emotions so effortlessly – great lesson for us as parents!
I just found your youtube videos recently and now your site! I’m really beginning to integrate my learning into daily behaviors. I like the way it is unfolding! 🙂 I definitely see how my rigidity as a parent (learned from my parents) is mirrored back to me in my children being rigid in their opposition. I’m going to focus on my own behaviors being more appreciative of their individuality. I’m also going to focus on maintaining/emitting a more stable vibration regardless of the conditions around me! Thanks for your enthusiasm.
Great self-awareness and focus Cheri! It will lead you to much more steady sense of well-being and ease, both as a parent and in all other areas of life!