I’ve met a lot of people who found ways to turn pain into gain, but Amber Aziza’s story is a real WOW!
Amber joins me on this episode to share her incredible story, including childhood traumas that led to her sleeping on the floor in foster care.
It is incredible how she’s been able to rise above the most challenging circumstances to create happiness and become a millionaire who has already built a legacy.
Amber is the founder and CEO of Amber Aziza Enterprises and it is her life’s work to help businesses and organizations around the world.
She is a 5-time award-winning certified master trainer who is recognized internationally as “The Millennial Whisperer.”
I was blown away by her openness and vulnerability in this episode.
She’s such a clear thinker and connects the dots in describing how her challenges shaped her personality and drive for success.
Feeling like your circumstances are keeping you from manifesting your ‘impossible’ dreams? Consequently you won’t want to miss this episode.
In this episode you’ll hear:
- How to bet on YOU, even when doing so feels like self-delusion and you feel hopelessly broken
- The incredible ways Amber learned to turn pain into power, in spite of suffocating environments
- How Amber went from being nicknamed “Ice Queen” to learning how to open up and trust… and how this led to her biggest miracles
- What Amber did to forgive herself, release shame, and heal after experiencing a miscarriage
We covered mental health, relationships, business, and more…this was a conversation I’ll never forget. I am in awe of the resiliency and power of the human spirit to overcome anything.
Lana: [00:00:01] Get ready to be blown away and have your heart blown wide open. This is a very, very special episode with my friend Amber Aziza. She is an incredibly accomplished millennial, entrepreneur and consultant, and I'll give you her bio in a second, but what I love and admire about her the most is that she comes from circumstances that most people would think are dire and something that they wouldn't wish upon anybody. She grew up in and out of foster care, and got adopted, and had a really tough experience through all of it, as of course, anybody would without having the stability and the safety and the love that are sort of basic needs for growth and development. But what is really extraordinary is the openness with which Amber shares her story and the way that she has quite literally turned that pain into gain. She shares about how her childhood has shaped her and is the foundation for her drive and success, how she was able to heal and to create a healthy view of herself, and how therapy has been instrumental in that. And how investing in herself is completely essential now to her showing up as a whole, full person. She talks about openly her challenges with trust and how it limited her business growth and personal relationships for a long time.
[00:01:36] She said something that I just want to quote verbatim because it was so powerful, she said, "I understand the worst of the worst. And I also understand that how you view yourself is 20 times more powerful than how anyone else views you." So, get ready to hear about how she shifted out of nothing and created something so extraordinary and how she is now paying it forward. So as her formal introduction, Amber is founder and CEO of Amber Aziza Enterprises, which houses over seven subsidiaries, and helps businesses and organizations around the world accelerate their growth, engage multiple generations and meet their maximum profit potential. Amber is a five-time award-winning Certified Master Trainer and Speaker, and she speaks to audiences worldwide about multi-generational engagement, diversity and inclusion, and business acceleration. She is a badass in every way and I'm so excited and so honored to have her on the show.
[00:02:46] Welcome to Manifest That Miracle podcast. My name is Lana Shlafer. I bring years of experience as a mindset coach and law of attraction expert to share with you mindset, strategy, and inspiration to do the impossible. My guests and I are ordinary people who have done extraordinary things. My commitment to you is to show up fully and imperfectly so we can learn and grow together. Are you ready to manifest that miracle? Let's get started.
[00:03:21] Amber! I am so excited to have you on. You are one of the people that I feel like is a definition of doing the impossible. Like whatever limits there are, you're like “They're not real. And I'm going to show you how I can create it.” So, let's start with the idea, do you feel like you're born special or different and you’re somehow-- Well, hold on, I know, you're looking, you're like, “Yes”, but in other words, do you feel like you have something that other people don't have access to? Or do you feel like it's something that you've created for yourself, in other words, blessed yourself, not born blessed?
Amber: [00:04:00] I would say blessed myself, for sure. My friends joke that Amber is a Master Manifester. If she says it, it's going to happen.
Lana: [00:04:12] What do you attribute that to?
Amber: [00:04:14] Well, I've always been a person of just believing that I deserved better. Even in foster care, I believed I'm better than this, which is probably why the other kids didn't like me.
Lana: [00:04:29] Let's go to that because you have very humble beginnings, which I think people get surprised by when they see success. I’m like, everyone I know who is successful has some sort of challenge, humble beginnings situation happening because that's what makes them so powerful. They had to learn that early on. So, tell us a little bit about your story and foster care and being adopted.
Amber: [00:04:52] Yeah, so I was born to... I don't even like calling them adults because they were just older teenagers. They were 18 to 19. And they were addicted to drugs, alcohol, and just making really, really poor choices. And the State typically doesn't like that when you have a child, so I was in and out of foster care for roughly three years.
Lana: [00:05:17] Do you remember anything about [it]?
Amber: [00:05:20] I do! It's so strange for me when people will be like, “I don't remember anything past kindergarten.” And I'm like, "I remember everything." I can remember being two years old, getting on the bus with my biological mother in Fort Riley, Kansas, and taking that ride to Toledo, Ohio because we were moving. I remember it vividly. I remember my biological parents, when my mom was holding me and my dad, I remember, one time threw her into the mirror. I remember it vividly. And so, it was always interesting to caseworkers, and to therapists that I could give you a breakdown. I'm like, “This is what happened. Then he said that. And then she said this.” They were like, “How does she remember all of this?”
Lana: [00:06:07] It is really interesting, though because if you study psychology and how the psyche works, the reason people don't remember is they have no way of processing it. The brain has no way of making meaning, so it will shut down and put it to the side essentially. The fact that you had, whatever it is, the capacity to be able to handle those memories, for the lack of saying it in a better way, is already sort of a sign that you felt powerful enough even at two, three years old. Well, at that time, whether you remember it or not, you don't know. But later on, in life, like now, to have access to that, it's one of the reasons I want to talk to you, because it's one thing to talk about manifestation and mindset and law of attraction. You could be, do or have anything. It's another thing to say, “Yeah, I lived through that. And I found blessings and empowerment in that, in the darkest things.” That's what actually gives you the freedom that everybody is after. Not the shiny achievements and successes, right?
Amber: [00:07:06] Exactly.
Lana: [00:07:07] So, you go back and forth between foster care. My first question would be, so many people, their core wound is not feeling wanted, not feeling safe, not feeling seen. How did that impact you as you sort of tried to figure out your place in the world as a kid? And who loves you? Who is safe? How do you make sense of that?
Amber: [00:07:30] It's something that I've turned off. Ever since I was little, I had this envisionment of myself as “Amber”, but then there's a subconscious of Amber, who's inside, who lives inside my heart. And she had a power button that could just shut it all down. Like you're getting attached? Shut it down. You're worried about somebody who loves me, who-- No, shut it down. And so, it really gave me kind of the moniker of “Ice Queen” in school because I would not really attach emotions to the same things that my peers were attaching emotions to. And it never really impacted me because I truly was just in shut it down mode all the time.
Lana: [00:08:12] But that is like a trauma response, right? Another defense mechanism. So, it served you brilliantly when you needed it.
Amber: [00:08:20] Absolutely.
Lana: [00:08:20] And eventually, at some point, it probably became a hindrance.
Amber: [00:08:23] It did when I really started focusing on building relationships, really in college is when it started to just do me a disservice because I had no problem cutting friends off. I had no problem cutting relationships off. I had no problem. It was just like, “Okay, no big deal moving on.” And people would just say, “What is wrong with you? You have no emotion about this whatsoever?” And I really became concerned that this isn't normal. Everyone seems like this isn't normal. You can't just go in and shut down your emotions? You don't have a person inside your heart that just is like, “Power down”? They're like, “No, that's not a thing.” So, I worked on myself to learn how do I do it in balance? Because I truly do believe, and it's against popular opinion, I truly do believe that sometimes you have to shut it down. In business, you have to shut that down. You cannot bring your whole heart and soul and put it on a boardroom table and say, “Here it is” because every “no” you get, is going to feel like a level of rejection personally. So, I do think that there is a balance. There is that need to be able to separate them, the personal and emotional from what's happening. And so, I went to therapy. I'm a huge fan of therapy. I've been going to therapy since I was five.
Lana: [00:09:45] How old were you when you got adopted?
Amber: [00:09:47] I was seven.
Lana: [00:09:48] You were seven. So, you started therapy before getting adopted.
Amber: [00:09:50] I started therapy in foster care. Yes.
Lana: [00:09:53] Is that provided by the State?
Amber: [00:09:55] The State. Mm-hmm.
Lana: [00:09:57] Wow, that's already amazing. Is that the norm? I don't think I've heard [that].
Amber: [00:10:01] I don't think it's the norm. Because I had suffered through quite a bit of trauma and had seen quite a few things that probably a five-year-old shouldn't have seen, I think that I was having some behavioral outbursts in the classroom that it became recommended that I needed to go to therapy.
Lana: [00:10:20] Wow. And how was that experience? It must have been something beneficial because you've kept going.
Amber: [00:10:26] Absolutely. I have a therapist to this day. I have two therapists in case one is not available. I believe that having therapy--
Lana: [00:10:38] I love it. Pushing yourself.
Amber: [00:10:42] I believe having therapy is just another resource or tool to help you be a better person. So, for me, having a [inaudible 10:51] driver, having a cleaner, having a chef come and cook for me, all of those things are tools. I put my therapists right alongside of that because, for me, it's an essential that I need in order to be the best Amber that I need to be. I have too many employees. I have too many dependents who are depending upon me to be able to be a full, whole person. I don't have the luxury of saying, “I don't want to be a full, whole person this week.” I can't do that.
Lana: [00:11:19] I mean, that's amazing that you put it in that way where it's a non-negotiable. It becomes a part of how you operate everything. What you're saying is what I am preaching to the masses. I don't know if people are ready to hear this that your capacity for success will be proportional to your capacity for support.
Amber: [00:11:38] Absolutely.
Lana: [00:11:39] And people don't realize that or I don't know where it comes from, “Got to do it myself.” I mean, I had that for a long time. And what's amazing is that you're able to trust a therapist. Because coming from that kind of shut down, “I'm not going to,” trust the fact that you were able to have somebody come in that built that trust that you felt safe to open up and receive love and support from them is incredible. And that you said not just like, “Okay, I guess I'm done now. That's good enough. Now I can have more whatever “healthy” relationships are,” that you see the potential for investing in the future of building yourself. So, going back to the experience of foster care. And you talk about it so, I don't want to say casually, almost, but I imagine you've obviously lived it, you've talked about it often, you're very open about it, do you find that it's still sort of comes up? How does it still show up in your life, that early sort of challenging trauma experience? How do you find it still impacts you? And how do you look at the impact of the pain I guess, or the challenges that you went through?
Amber: [00:12:50] I think when I look at the impact that it has on me as an adult, it really makes me more protective of those around me than anything else. It makes me more hyper-aware of the people who are around my nieces and nephews. It makes me super sensitive to when I hear people say certain things in a certain way. I can see right through BS. My BS detector is highly sensitive. So, I can see BS way before it's coming. And for me, I feel like that's just the result of having that trauma, of having that experience of growing up and being in and out of foster care, you had to quickly be able to ascertain who you could trust and who you could not trust. And you really had to be able to see people for what they are saying and doing, not just what they're saying and really associating the two together. Because they're saying this, but they're doing that. So, they're not an honest person.
Lana: [00:12:47] You can feel it when they're out of integrity.
Amber: [00:12:50] Absolutely. I joke that my spidey senses go off. And if my spidey senses go off when I'm communicating with a person or even just becoming friends with a person, anytime I go against that, and like “No, no, they'll be fine,” it always blows up in my face. But not just blows up in my face, like, “Oh, man, that was a terrible experience." But like, catastrophic, terrible, you-knew-better type of experiences. And so, for me, if someone meets me, and they're new to my world, and they're like, “Oh, I don't think she likes me.” It's not that I don't like you. It's that my spidey senses are going off about you and that's telling me that I probably should not interact with you. So that's what's happening. And I put boundaries on that.
Lana: [00:14:35] We'll get into your work a little bit because I feel like people just expect trust to happen by default and I think trust is earned. And I expect people to not open up everything to me right away and be somehow best friends. I don't know where that came from. I don’t know you, you don’t know me.
Amber: [00:14:52] I'm cautious of people who do that. Like when people are like, “Hey, let me tell you my life story,” just getting to know you, that always puts up a red flag for me because why are you so reckless is how I see it, to just spill it and you don't know me? It's different if it's like, “Oh, I heard you were in foster care. I was in foster care, too. Okay, let's talk about our experiences.” There's a similarity there. But when it's like, “Hey, I want to get to know you, so let me show you all my wounds,” it's alarming to me because you don't know what kind of level of vulnerability you're putting yourself in because you don't know me. And that's always a red flag for me.
Lana: [00:15:31] But also, people just assume things about you then.
Amber: [00:15:34] Absolutely.
Lana: [00:15:34] I mean, time is required for trust and building relationships. It is not something you can have from the first second you meet someone, right?
Amber: [00:15:43] Right.
Lana: [00:15:43] So, I'm going to go back, and I'm going to note it to myself to talk about how that impacts your work because I really feel like that ability to be perceptive and choosey is a lot. I mean, that's what makes you successful in business. The premise of my book is that, “Turn your pain into gain.” You're a brilliant example. You took the things that were painful, challenging, the things that led you. Rumi has the quote, “It is through the cracks that the light entered.” And a lot of your sort of skill set and strengths are now built on that foundation of being discerning, of teaching people how to discern. Being able to have multiple companies. I can't even imagine how you run all of them. I guess maybe because I have three kids, I’m like that's already enough. I can only handle one time. But it's how you're able to honor each sort of separate element of yourself and of the work that you do and show up fully in each of them. I feel like that wouldn't have been the case had you not had the childhood and the experiences you had.
[00:16:52] So, it's always tricky when people talk about forgiveness. And maybe we'll get into that because I feel like forgiveness ultimately is, you receive the purpose, the value of that experience, as painful and uncomfortable. You don't have to condone. You don't have to say it was okay. You don't have to forgive the other person. But to recognize that this happened, here are the things that grew me. And at that point, there's no more bitterness left. Because even though it's bittersweet, you received the value of that experience. It made you something. It's the foundation on which you stand. So how do you view your parents now, your biological parents? How do you view that kind of forgiveness or making sense of that situation and not having it to be something that sort of poisons you to this day?
Amber: [00:17:40] Right now, my oldest niece is five years older than my mother was when she had me. Goodness, I hope she doesn't hear this. But when I look at just the foolish things she does at 23, I'm like, "What? Why would you do that?
Lana: [00:17:54] Who didn't? I mean, maybe you didn't, but I did plenty of foolish things.
Amber: [00:17:57] I did lots of crazy things at 23. But when I look at the things that she does, and I say she because when I was 23, you think, “Oh, I know everything.” But now that I'm 35, I'm looking back at her at 23 and I'm like, “[inaudible 18:09] Here’s a child, [raise it 18:12].” And that's not anything negative towards her. It's just, they were kids. They were kids in an age where there was a lot of stress around them. They did not know how to cope, they were not given the tools to cope properly. And so I have nothing but just forgiveness for them in that I don't even really feel like there's really anything to forgive because that's on you. Do you forgive yourself? I almost feel sorry for them because they missed out on an experience of raising a child that became Amber Aziza.
Lana: [00:18:49] Yeah. Right? I hear you 100% on that. So how was it to be then adopted, and sort of start to create a more safe, secure home environment, which was not something that you had experienced? It's like a whole paradigm shift, right?
Amber: [00:19:07] Absolutely. I was that child that was constantly worried that they were going to send me back. I always had food tucked away, hidden. When my mom found this she was like, “What is this? Are you feeding animals? What is going on?” I would keep food and tuck it in my cheeks. And then after dinner, I would go to my room and I would spit it out because, in my foster care home, I didn't know when I was going to eat. There was no consistency in eating. I would go two, three days and then they'd be like, “Oh yeah, we got to feed you.” And so, for me, I didn't know when I was going to eat next. So, I had learned to just store it away in my cheeks and then take it to my room and save it in a towel.
Lana: [00:19:51] Which is actually so smart and resourceful.
Amber: [00:19:54] Right. Like the [MacGyver of kindergarten 19:56]. So, they had this beautiful big, queen size bed, which to me looked like just a mountain. And I wouldn't sleep in it. I slept on the floor because I didn't want to get used to sleeping in the comfortable bed. Because if they didn't want me anymore, then I wouldn't have a comfortable bed anymore. And then I'd be sad that I didn't get the comfortable bed. I think that my early formative years were really shaped by disappointment and the anticipation of disappointment. And so, it really forced me to really lean on myself. I think that's why I've always been so high achieving. I've always had to be the best. I've always had to work the hardest. Because for me, no one's got you like you have you. And so, even though I'm in the safe space, I'm in this new environment, I have these two older brothers who are super protective, I still was like, Amber has got to look out for Amber because at the end of the day, no one else is going to have Amber's back but Amber has Amber's back.
[00:20:58] And I think that shaped me as an adult. Even today, I'm still very much like that. My therapists have said that's not anything therapy is going to necessarily take away. It will help you trust. I trust more people now. But I still, at the end of the day, believe that no one can help you more than you can help yourself. And that's just the tenet of, I believe, my success is that I don't wait for someone to give me an answer or open a door. I figure out how to open that door myself. And if someone just happens to be there, and is like, “Oh Hey! Come on in,” I'm like, “Okay, great.”
Lana: [00:21:36] You talk about it so matter of factly. So, what would you say to somebody who is like, “Well, I have childhood trauma, and I can't get over it. And I don't feel empowered, and I don't feel I'm in control”? What would you tell someone who feels like they are in that place of it being a defining sort of self-view and a defining limit that seems like that's all that they see and perceive? Because I know you do so much work with kids and you are here to really be an example and share what's possible in your own unique way. So, what would you tell somebody who is in a place, however old they are, maybe a kid, teenager or an adult, who are still seeing those limits as something that were sort of put on them through their experiences early in life and they don't know how to take those limits off? It's like they are shackles that they don't know how to unlock.
Amber: [00:22:32] Yeah, so if they're an adult, the first thing I tell them to do is find a cognitive behavioral therapist. You can't just go to your everyday family therapist to fix that. And there's really no fixing. Get out of the mindset that fixing is going to happen. You're not broken. You don't need to be fixed. You need to change your mindset.
Lana: [00:22:49] And this is going to be an ever-evolving thing. That’s something that you talked about. This is going to keep evolving. I [felt] broken for so long. And there are moments when I still feel that way. But now I just accept it as a part of, I'm breaking open, that's why I feel the breaking, but it's not something I can fix. There's no finite, “Okay, got that figured out. I'm just going to be like this forever.” Which is such an illusion that people have. They're like, “Oh, well, I've already dealt with it because I went to therapy for three months.” And I'm like, “Uh…” And you said cognitive behavioral therapy. There's so many leading-edge therapy today. I'm a big fan of what I studied - somatic psychology and mind-body psychotherapy - to get people in their bodies, which has so much impact. You carry trauma in your body or your pain to be able to connect to people. But you're right. Also being discerning about who you go to for it because people say, “Well, I went to therapy,” but they really went to a psychiatrist, who prescribed them medication. That's also not a solution. I mean, it could be helpful, but it is not going to get to the root of the experience. Right?
Amber: [00:23:57] Exactly. I think that as adults, when we hold on to these defining moments as defining moments of who we are, it's because we've given ourselves the narrative that this is the only story of value we have. This is the only thing. I will talk about being in foster care, but you're more likely to hear me talk about my team or my businesses or my family than you will for from me to be like, “Let me lead with my foster care story” or “Let me lead with sexual trauma” or “Let me lead with literally, my mom's pimp that hand out money to the prostitutes. Because if a kid hands them the money, he can't be arrested because he's not giving them money for services rendered. It's a five-year-old giving money.” So, I’ve had those things. I've experienced those things, but that doesn't define me. That's not who Amber Aziza is, and her only sense of value is in that story. And I tell people I became who I am in spite of the conditions and environment around me. So, you can either be “in spite of” or you can be “because of”. And you really have to determine which one you want to be.
[00:25:05] When I work with kids that are in the system, and they're like, “Yeah, that's easy for you, you've got all this stuff. You can travel the world, and blah, blah, blah.” And I'm like, “Yeah, I was where you are, in a worse position. I didn't have foster parents who cared enough to actually go to parent-teacher conferences. I had foster parents who kind of wish I would just disappear for a little bit.” I understand the worst of the worst. And I also understand that how you view yourself is 20 times more powerful than how anyone else views you. And as long as you can have that narrative in your mind that I am better than the environment I'm in, I am better than this place that I'm in, I'm better than this abuse, I'm better than this negativity, I'm better than this. And I know that if I believe that I'm better and put action behind it - it's not just believing it, it's putting action behind it - that in turn, things will get better. And I know that sounds so woo and people will be like, “Well, what about different scenarios or different issues that they can't get out of?” And it's like, there's so much negative and bad and awful that people can be in. But out of every bad, negative, awful situation, there's at least one person who made it out and made it to the other side.
Lana: [00:26:21] Yep. Be that one person.
Amber: [00:26:24] Be that person, be that person. There's at least one person who's in the exact same situation you're in right now, who made it out to the other side. Join that person. I also say don't just trust everybody. People get really worked up when they're like, “Oh, well, foster kids don't trust anyone.” They shouldn't. Why would they? It’s ridiculous to expect them to. Especially if they've been to multiple homes. Trust, like you said, has to be earned. And you're asking these kids to trust a family that they don't know when the last family was absolutely wretched. And so it's so important for me to convey to the kids that it's okay for you to have boundaries. It's okay for you to say “No”. It's okay for you to not trust someone immediately. Just because they happen to be the people who are your guardians, that's not necessarily what has to happen. Trust has to be earned. Just like they have to learn to trust you, you have to learn to trust them.
[00:27:18] And so, for me, I think it's important that people understand that they are in control of their own narrative. And that at some point, whether it's now if you're foster care, whether it's when you get out, whether it's when you're out of that abusive marriage. Because I've been in it all. I've been in abusive relationships. I've been in the crazy times where I've been homeless and had to figure stuff out on my own. I've been kicked out of the house. I love my parents, they're amazing, but there have been times where they were like, “You are doing the most right now.” Because as the person who is in foster care, when you come from that environment, you're used to “let me push you, push you, push you, until you push me away.”
Lana: [00:28:02] Well, what a gift they gave you by setting a boundary with love it sounds like.
Amber: [00:28:07] Absolutely. My parents are so big on boundaries.
Lana: [00:28:07] Boundaries are healthy. They're necessary to have. One of my biggest challenges is that my boundaries weren't set very well in my childhood, so I really struggle with that. I've had to sort of figure out how to adult with myself because it wasn't. My parents were also-- My mom was 21. You know what I mean? The same thing. Plus, in a communist environment. Really nobody had time for you. So, it's realizing that whatever you didn't get, you can create. And you said something so powerful that you're in charge of your narrative. And people say, “Well, I don't know how” or “I can't say I'm better than this.” And I say, “Do you want to be better than this? Start there. I want to be better than this.” That is a shift from facing this direction, where what you want isn't there, it's not happening and all of the problems and challenges, to just saying, “I want to see this,” already realigns you in a different direction. That once you take those steps, which is the key to take the steps-- I say in the book, “Inspired intention is not enough. You need the inspired action to go with it.” And that you will frequently take those steps and they will teach you more of what you need to know. Because there is no getting it done.
[00:29:20] And I love that you're bringing this up. This was such a paradigm shift for me when I realized I can't get it right and I can't get it wrong. There is no binary, some sort of final “This is it”. It was like my whole life made totally different sense at that point. Everything I had been working for, I was like, “Oh, that's why it didn't make me happy? And I'm not crazy or broken or somehow fundamentally incapable of happiness?” It’s because this is an ongoing process like eating food. You can't just eat once and then be fed forever.
Amber: [00:29:56] Right. Exactly. It has to be continuous. You have to continuously believe in and work on yourself and do what's needed to pull yourself out of that situation. And I hate the “Pull yourself up by the bootstraps” metaphor, especially when it comes to people of color. I hate when people use that to people of color because it's like some people don't have bootstraps to pull themselves up by. But what I say instead is focus on what you want, instead of focusing on what you don't have. Those are two very different mindsets. If you're focusing on “I don't have this, I don't have that. I can't get this, I can't get that,” that's not going to help you at all. But focusing on what you want, “You know what? I want to do this. I want to do that. I want to live in this environment,” that's going to give you such a greater, easier path and a plan to get there.
Lana: [00:30:42] I've seen you do this with all of your success and all the businesses you're running and all of that. You share amazing success stories on social media. But once in a while, you'll do these posts that are like, “This is what's happening…” and I see you instantly realigning, “…and this is what I want to happen.” I don't know how, I don't know in what way, but you're already realigning. You're not denying “the reality” of what happened, but it does become easier with practice. And that's the thing that I feel like people forget is that neither you nor I had this figured out. I still don't have it figured out. But practice makes progress and progress is sort of where it's at because there's no perfection. There's no arrival. Every time you see progress, woo-hoo! I'm just celebrating the little bits of--
Amber: [00:31:28] Exactly.
Lana: [00:31:30] So, tell me a little more about the top sort of miracles. I feel like we already touched on so many things that you have lived. But in your perspective, the top one or two things that really seemed impossible even for you. At one point, they were like, I just don't see a way. At that time before you, I always say miracles are things that haven't happened yet. Right? Afterwards, they are facts. Maybe it was your first million, maybe it was a loving relationship, for example. Or something that seemed so impossible. What was the miracle? And looking back, what were the mindset shifts that created it?
Amber: [00:32:11] Ooh, that's tough. So the miracles, I would say, are probably things that other people would say, “That doesn't sound like big of a deal.” Because my first million was not a surprise to me in any way. I used to tell people when I was seven years old, that I was going to be a millionaire, and I believed it. I had a plan.
Lana: [00:32:27] I love it. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Amber: [00:32:31] This is going to happen. I drew a picture when you have a career day, of what do you want to be. My mom still has the picture I drew of me, stick figure me with curly hair, sitting at a desk with one of those old school telephones with the cord on it and a pile of paper on the desk and the little piece of square that was the desk, that all had dollar signs on it. And they said, “What are you going to be?” I said, “I don't know but I’m going to be in charge and I'm going to make a lot of money.”
Lana: [00:32:55] I love it. Let me just take a pause there. Not having role models and this-- American culture is a little different than in, you know, you're in London now, European culture, I always need to clarify because I've been around the world, my specifically black friends in Europe have a very different upbringing and experience. Challenges nonetheless. Anybody who is a minority is a minority and has challenges. In the US, I feel like we're just now starting to tap into a tiny, tiny bit of seeing representation. How did you picture yourself with a desk? This isn't on the cover of Time magazine. Do you know what I mean? Where did you pull that from? Was it something from your parents? Where did you get the chutzpah to put this on paper?
Amber: [00:33:51] I got this, funnily enough from my mother's pimp, Uncle Jamie.
Lana: [00:33:55] My God, talk about blessings coming in the most distressing disguises. I mean, you're giving me goosebumps here.
Amber: [00:34:03] On my fifth birthday, I was in foster care. She came to visit me for my birthday and Jamie brought her. And she was playing with me with the toy she got me and then he said, “Yo, we got to go.” And she said, “Well, I don't want to go. It's her birthday.” And he said, “Do you want to sit here with her for her birthday or do you want to eat? Because without me you don't eat.” And as she was getting up, I wasn't crying or like, “No, please don't go.” I was too busy processing. Wait a minute, he can pay for the food, which means he has the money, which means he's in charge. So, if I always have the money, no one can tell me what to do. Okay, all right. Then the goal is just to get the money. I don't know what that looks like at five years old, but whatever it is, it's going to happen. At 11 years old, I sent out letters. There was this really expensive neighborhood in Toledo. It was actually a village of its own inside Toledo called Ottawa Hills and it's where all of the people with me lived. And I went with my dad. We would go on Sunday rides and look at the big houses. And so one day--
Lana: [00:35:04] Okay, well hold on. That's already amazing that your dad had the sort of--
Amber: [00:35:08] Yes. We would look and dream.
Lana: [00:35:10] Right. Gave you that experience and permission, that's incredible right there. I mean, to anybody who is listening who is a parent, or even just if you're in it for yourself, give yourself permission to dream because this is what plants the seeds that later you're sitting here doing interviews about all the awesome things you've done. But that was the seed that got planted. Okay.
Amber: [00:35:30] Absolutely. And so, one day, I took a notebook with me and a pen, and I started writing down the addresses. And I sent a letter, I wrote a letter to every single person at the address, just asking them saying, “Hey, I'm 11. I'm in the sixth grade and I want to be successful. And I just want to know, what do you do for a living?” And I sent out probably 50 of these letters.
Lana: [00:35:51] No way! Wow.
Amber: [00:35:55] My poor dad was like, “Oh, my gosh, they're going to think you're crazy.”
Lana: [00:36:00] I bet they thought you're awesome.
Amber: [00:36:03] I sent out all these letters, and I got three back out of the 50 I sent. And two of them said, “Doctor,” “Lawyer,” but the other one said, “I'm an international business strategist." And I thought, “That's what I want to do.” I don't know what that means. Google hadn't been invented yet. But that's what I want to do.
Lana: [00:36:22] I love hearing about this because it's almost like your work was to ask and to dream. And then you're receiving the feedback and you were paying attention to how it felt. I mean, that's amazing to me that you were getting these messages and this guidance, ultimately, right, to be where you were and to really have taken the steps. Because so many people hear the guidance, right, but they're like, “Ah, but I don't know any international business strategists.”
Amber: [00:36:51] I was telling people, “I'm going to be an international business strategist,” and they were like, “What is that?”
Lana: [00:36:56] You’re like, “It's awesome. I'm going to find out and then I’ll tell you.”
Amber: [00:36:59] Right. I’ll let you know when I find out. Yeah, it definitely was.
Lana: [00:37:03] So, go back to the miracle. I interrupted you because there are so many great things that I want to talk about here. You're talking about that having this vision as a kid. No. That was actually normal for you. Hold on, we haven’t gotten there.
Amber: [00:37:17] Right. It was normal for me. I think that the miracle that I think I’ve experienced was being able to have a team that I trust.
Lana: [00:37:27] Back to trust, right?
Amber: [00:37:29] If you talk to every therapist I've ever seen, they would be like, “That is a miracle. What Amber Aziza will not do is leave her baby with somebody else.”
Lana: [00:37:39] See, I've been inspired by that with you because I have issues with that. It is different, obviously, background and upbringing but definitely challenged with that. And so, it's been my biggest limit to growth. Just hands down. And I'm learning, I'm just learning and growing, but it's incredible. So, tell us about that journey. Because truly, you're going to have a ceiling to growth unless you can't multiply yourself, There's a limit to how much you can do so you just have that limit. So how did you create that trust and grow that team? You have so many teams, I don't even know how you remember everybody's names and keep track of everything. How did you cross that bridge?
Amber: [00:38:21] For my very first company, I had a small team. And really, it was just because I was burnt out. I was so burnt out. I was getting pulled at every angle. Clients were expecting to see Amber Aziza at every meeting, and it was just draining me. I didn't know how to cope. I didn't know how to handle it. I was constantly exhausted and grouchy and mean. And I was just like, “I can’t do this.”
Lana: [00:38:44] So common. It is so common.
Amber: [00:38:47] I felt like I built another nine to five prison for myself. I was like, “Why did I do this? I could be in nine to five and not merely have as much responsibility and still be making a similar amount. I would be fine.”
Lana: [00:30:57] Totally. Because people are like, “I want to be an Entrepreneur.” I'm like, “Are you going to be a good boss to yourself and a good employee?”
Amber: [00:39:03] Right. Exactly.
Lana: [00:39:04] Because most people won't.
Amber: [00:39:06] If you don't like working 40 hours a week at your nine to five, trust me, you're not going to love working it as an entrepreneur.
Lana: [00:39:14] Unless you love the game of it, right?
Amber: [00:39:17] Right. Unless you love what you're doing and you're like, “This is amazing.” But even though I loved what I was doing, there's still burnout. You can have too much of a good thing. You can have too much of something you love. And so, for me, I just really hit a point where I was just like, “I can't do this. This is too much. I've got to get people to help me.” And so, I started building a very small team. And so, when we sold that book of business and I started focusing on, “Okay, what am I doing next?”, I decided… well, some of my friends would reach out and say, “Hey, can you help me with my business?” and I would. And so, I said, “Well, let me go into coaching. That's something I can do on my own. I don't need a team for it. That would be fun.” Coaching was not fun. I did not enjoy it. So, here's why I didn't enjoy coaching. It's because I wanted to help everyone. And I would stack my books with coaching calls and would still have a waiting list. And it became another form of a nine to five person for me. I was like, “I don't want to do this. Why did I do this? This is a terrible decision.”
Lana: [00:40:12] I love what you're saying this because sometimes you have to go through it in different emanations to learn and grow, again, progress over perfection. It just does not happen because you read a book and you're like, “Oh, now I know the right thing to do.” You got to feel it on your skin. Like you get burned, right? And you're like, “Okay, what am I going to learn from this experience and then the next one?
Amber: [00:40:36] Right. Exactly. So, I said, “Okay, well, what do I do now? I have this coaching business, I'm known for being this business coach, I've got this waiting list of people. What am I supposed to do?” And in that, I said, “Is this really what I want to do? Is this really making me happy? Is this honoring my future self?”
Lana: [00:40:56] Oh, that's so good. Is this honoring my future self?
Amber: [00:40:58] And when I looked at it, I said, “It’s not. It's not honoring my future self.” My therapists asked me that all the time of like, “Is this decision on your new future self? Is this choice, is this move, is this new hire--?”
Lana: [00:41:09] In other words, is it honoring who you want to be, who you want to become. Yeah.
Amber: [00:41:13] Who you want to be. Absolutely. And so, once I realized, no, this isn’t what I want to do. I don’t want to be that person that’s tied to my laptop. People are like, “Oh, I’m having my laptop on the beach.” And it’s like, no you don’t. No one’s at the beach with their laptop.
Lana: [00:41:28] There’s a lot of sand that gets in the keyboard. I did that once and I was like, “No! Maybe for a picture.”
Amber: [00:41:35] Never again. So, for me, I decided, what do I really want? And I said, “I want to build a legacy. I want to build generational wealth.” Coaching isn’t going to build generational wealth for me. It’s just not. Because at some point, if I die, get hit by a bus, coaching ends. I need to build generational wealth. And I thought about it okay, go the John Maxwell route. I tried that of like building out a team of coaches. And I didn’t really enjoy that either because then I was like, “Well, what are they coaching them on? Can I make sure that--” It was just like, no, I don’t want to do that. That trust hadn’t been built there. So, my sister said, “Why don’t you go back to what you love to do, which is the consult part of it, the people part of businesses?” So, we built AAE and concurrently we built Recruit Aid. My sister has been a head-hunter for 20+ years. So, we built Recruit Aid, which is our recruiting firm to go alongside of it. And really, the two were built to support each other but now they’re kind of beasts of their own. And from that, I said, wait a minute, there we go. My sister is over Recruit Aid, I’m over AAE, and then I looked at my brothers and said, “What do they do?” He’s a teacher. He’s been in collections for 20 years. So, we created a collection agency. The collection agency was always designed to be a quick fuel injection of cash into the business so we could really escalate and accelerate to where we wanted to go. So, we built the collection agency.
Lana: [00:42:59] So, by the way, you knew nothing about this from the get-go, right?
Amber: [00:43:03] No. I don’t know any of these things.
Lana: [00:43:04] That’s amazing to me that you’re like, “Well, I mean, he knows about it, let’s just build a collection agency.”
Amber: [00:43:10] He knew collections. He’s been in it for 20 years. So, we brought him in, had him build it out and it kind of became its own thing. And we taught small business owners how to do their own collections. And then we said, “Okay, it’s no longer fitting in the trajectory of where we’re taking the holding company as a whole.” So, we said, “All right, we’re going to go ahead and shut that business down, so the book of business--
Lana: [00:43:31] Was that a difficult decision for you to let things go?
Amber: [00:43:34] It really wasn’t. I look at everything like a map. And when I look at the map, some roads just end. And I know when I start something, in my soul, if it’s going to be something that’s just going to end or something that I passed on, or something that I sell. So I just licensed my membership to two of my strategists who have been helping me with it. I was like, “I don’t want to do the membership anymore.” But I knew that going into it, that it would be a two-to-three-year thing, that would then need to be passed on. So I built it so it would be easy to pass it on. And so, we just did that transition of, “Okay. All right. Here you go. We’re done. I’m done with that. You can have it now.”
Lana: [00:44:13] How did you build that trust? I mean, with family members, I imagine it’s different, right? But if you’re like me--
Amber: [00:44:18] It’s harder with family.
Lana: [00:44:19] What? Harder?
Amber: [00:44:20] It’s harder with family. I have fired more family members than I think I have fired--
Lana: [00:44:23] Really, how does that go?
Amber: [00:44:25] This kind of goes into that reaching into my heart and shutting things down. Because I can fire you on Wednesday and then show up to Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday and be like, “Oh my gosh, you lost her job. Girl, they don’t know your worth. You’ll find something else.”
Lana: [00:44:49] How do you integrate those, how do they live side by side simultaneously in you and you have relationships? We talked about compartmentalization. I can’t even say that word, mostly because I was told when I was investment banking-- I went through a really bad breakup and I was not myself. And I was taken aside by a manager and he literally said, “You have to learn how to compartmentalize. Go home and come back new tomorrow.” And I couldn’t. That’s what makes me who I am now. We have very opposite skillsets in that sense. But you got to know who you are, and what is your gift, and then use it appropriately. Like, how do you leverage your gift? You leveraged yours in your way. I’m leveraging [mine]. You need everybody. But that whole idea is so foreign to me so I want to hear how you sort of deal with it in a very natural way because it is more, maybe, something that’s comfortable, versus for me, I’ve had to learn this behavior, and have it be more about boundaries out there to keep me in, not to keep others out. And when I don’t function, when I’m not in alignment, none of this matters, and nobody benefits. So, I sort of learned how to compartmentalize, but from a place of, “This is alignment, and this is not.” I don’t know if that’s a workaround that I created in my head or what, but it works. How do you approach it?
Amber: [00:46:05] I literally compartmentalize everything. Perfect example, my CFO and I. We were together. We were engaged. He was my college sweetheart. Known him for 16 years. And we broke up. I asked him to be my CFO about four years ago because I was like, “Ooh, I’m not doing good on the money side, help! We’re hemorrhaging cash. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Help!” And I trust him more than almost anyone in the world. He’s like, “I got you, I’ll help you.” And then we said, “Well, let’s try the romantic thing again.” And it didn’t work. It didn’t work at all. It was very, very bad.
Lana: [00:46:39] Because of having to integrate both?
Amber: [00:46:44] Somewhat yes. I think because I can go into a conversation and be ticked off at you as CEO, and then be like, *flip* “What do you want to watch Netflix tonight, honey?” I don’t even know how. When people are like, “Yeah, I mix the two,” I’m like, “How? How do you do it?” I separate it. It’s like I’ve got walls and doors and walk through this door and shut that door. I don’t have the ability to mix them. And I’m also the type of person that once I’ve said what I’m upset about, it’s done. I’m not going back and forth. We’re not doing this. I’m not going to be mad at you for the rest of the day. I can tell you I’m upset about something, and then the next minute be like, “Are you hungry?”
Lana: [00:47:24] So how did that not work? What was the challenge?
Amber: [00:47:28] It didn’t work because he is not a person that is like that. He is a person that needs there to be-- I would have to say, “Putting on my CEO hat.” And he would be like, “Okay, all right, mentally, you’re the CEO.” And I would tell him something and he would be like, “Why did you say it like that?” “Because I’m me, the CEO.” So it was just more of our styles together weren’t compatible.
Lana: [00:47:51] But at the same time, because you’re now engaged again, right? No?
Amber: [00:47:56] I am not.
Lana: [00:47:56] Oh! Because this went back and forth a couple of times. What I wanted to add is that those people who are built very different than us, frequently have the most to teach us about expanding how we-- Because why would you want to have everyone be just the same as you? So, it doesn’t surprise me in couples, when I see that, when they’re opposites. There’s a defining factor, though, what keeps the opposite together and makes them stronger, versus what breaks them up. And this was like a longitudinal study done by a university years ago. I’m not going to quote anything because I can’t remember anything. But what they essentially said is, they can tell within a few minutes of meeting a couple no matter how long they’ve been together, whether they will stay together or not and have a happy relationship. And it was so amazing to see the reason. The reason is are you judging the other for being different?
Amber: [00:48:45] Yes [inaudible]
Lana: [00:48:45] And they also call it contempt. Like judging for-- Well, hey, we can have a whole conversation.
Amber: [00:48:51] Well, I’m still in therapy.
Lana: [00:48:53] Well, that was a huge, huge thing between my husband and I. I went from judging him and wanting him to be more like me and him judging me and wanting to be more like him, to being like, “Wait a minute, we are very different. Can we see this as a strength?” I feel like he’s an alien sometimes. I don’t understand how he operates. But he’s an alien that really expands, and ultimately I want to grow. He expands my understanding of life. That is a challenging shift because the illusion of relationships, the Hollywood version is, they just accept you and love you forever and do everything you want to do and take care of everything and somehow, it’s--
Amber: [00:49:29] Happily, ever after. Exactly.
Lana: [00:49:31] Right? That is not. No. So, go the miracle of creating this trust. Looking back, it’s not like there was a before and after, but there must have been some sort of pivotal shift that happened. Looking back at all of the miraculous experiences in my life, it was usually some sort of an opening in a new direction, you saw a wall, and all of a sudden you saw a door or a window there. What were the shifts or the principles or the things that shifted that for you?
Amber: [00:50:06] So, for me, in building my team, and having a team that I trusted, I had to shift what I expected from a team. I had always gone into a team expecting them to be mini versions of Amber or an extension of Amber. And one of my mentors said so well to me one time. She said, “You’re expecting them to be the brain. You’re the brain. They’re not the brain. You’re the brain. If your company is a body, you are the brain. And the brain communicates to the arms, and the fingers, and the legs and the feet, what they want to do. But you cannot approach your team, as mini brains. One body can only have one brain. And what you’re trying to do is to get them to be a brain, but you’re not giving them the tools and resources they need to do so because you can’t.”
[00:50:56] And so, she’s like, “You need to start looking at them as the arms, the legs, the heart.” There are parts and positions that everyone plays. You’re going to have people that they are just the doers. They are not necessarily going to be the people who are necessarily coming up with the plan, but they’re the people who are executing it. Then you have people who are at the heart. They are going to be able to make judgments and say, “I don’t think that’s right for us. I don’t know if they should do this.” And eventually, the brain gets to a point where it’s like, there are voluntary movements and involuntary movements. You blink regardless. You breathe regardless. And she said, “When that happens, that’s because the brain has already sent signals enough to those body functions, saying that’s what we need to do. And the body knows, this is what I need to do, and I’m okay with it because I know that’s what I need to do, because that’s what my brain said. And that’s what we’re going to do.”
[00:51:41] And so, for me, when I stopped looking at it as, “I need mini Ambers,” and started looking at it like, “I need an arm right now. I need a heart. I need a lung. I need a mouth, somebody who can be the mouthpiece and be more direct. I need ears, someone who’s going to do the listening, figuring out everything.” When I looked at it from that perspective, it all clicked. And it made me stop trying to trust them to be the brain and instead of trusting them to be the arm, to be the mouth, to be the heart, to be the lung. It’s me that--
Lana: [00:52:09] That’s different expectation. Right.
Amber: [00:52:10] Absolutely.
Lana: [00:52:12] So, you go in with clarity. They know what they need to be, you know what they need to be. You’re not them, they’re not you. I love that because that’s really what I’m coming to in my own business, and even in my marriage. Because we’ve shifted roles. My husband was sort of the main breadwinner, corporate job. I was doing my business on the side. And now here we are kind of reversed. I love what you’re saying. And I want to sort of tie it in to, what are the mindset challenges or the opportunities that you sort of struggle with or are facing now? What is the next miracle that you want to create? And where are you hitting some limits in that now and how do you approach that?
Amber: [00:52:52] I want to have children. That’s a big thing for me. I want to have two. That’s it. That’s all.
Lana: [00:52:58] Well, you might get two at a time like I did. I don’t know.
Amber: [00:53:01] If I think if I get two at a time, that will be fantastic.
Lana: [00:53:04] Be careful what you wish for, Amber. We’ll talk if that happens.
Amber: [00:53:11] But I kind of had it in my head like, “Before I hit 35, I’m going to be a mom. It’s going to happen.” So, when I became pregnant last year, I was very, very excited about it. I was like, “Yay! Okay, I’m hitting it. Yeah, here we go. Master Manifester, manifested my baby, let’s do this.” And then I miscarried. And it was a double blow for me because it was like, “Did I manifest a miscarriage?” And that’s all I could think about was, “What did I say? What did I do?” I just became a thorn in the back of my head.
Lana: [00:53:40] I love how you say this because this is sort of the double-edged sword of feeling so empowered and feeling like you can create everything is that when you create something you don’t want, you sort of have to find a way to make peace with that as well, right? Because you can’t point the finger out at life. That’s not what you’re doing.
Amber: [00:53:56] Exactly.
Lana: [00:53:57] And that is challenging. It requires for you to have some sort of higher understanding of the purpose of life. Because you can’t find it in the human solution interaction world. It’s not where it’s at. So, how did you?
Amber: [00:54:11] So, I had to cope with the fact that it was something that I couldn’t do. I think, for me, that was almost more painful than the miscarriage itself. It was realizing there’s something that I can’t do that girls in the hood and in trailer parks and everywhere around the world that are 14, 15 can do, I can’t do. And it was really a humbling moment, a moment for me to say, “Okay Amber, you can’t do everything. But just because you didn’t do it this time, doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to do it next time. Let’s take this as our learning curve. What can we do different?” And sometimes things just happen. I hate when people say, “Everything happens for a reason.” I don’t believe that. Sometimes things just happen because it happens. Sometimes science just happens because it’s science. That’s just how it works.
[00:55:00] But for me, I had to really forgive myself for being so harsh on myself. Because I think I spent three weeks under the covers, just devastated after my surgery to remove the baby. I was just done. And I spent three weeks under the covers and then I berated myself for the next three weeks for like, “How could you possibly be so weak and nimble and under the cover? You didn’t do anything or contribute anything to society. What is wrong with you?” And I had to kind of reach into the heart girl, and be like, “Hey, power back up real quick. Turn that back on,” so that I could really feel it and forgive myself and not feel like there was this pressure on me.
Lana: [00:55:45] It makes so much sense because everyone has a limit. Everything has a limit. And so not a limit in terms of keeping you small, but a limit for you to grow through. It’s like the resistance training. You got to lift that weight. The heavier the weight, the stronger you get. So, with your capacity to shut things off, this was not shuttable. This was an unshuttable experience. As you were talking, I got such a feeling just, however, you want to look at it, non-physical communication. And I really believe that our kids and our souls and all the non-physical come in to sort of co-create with us. And I just feel like what a beautiful gift the soul co-created with you to help you [inaudible 56:28], which honestly is required for motherhood. It’s that kind of softness. It was the hardest thing for me to need to need somebody, to feel weak at times. That was all through motherhood. I did not really have that getting into it.
[00:56:41] So what an incredible journey. And to see you be so open about it was really beautiful because I feel like that’s the part that people lack, and they just keep it to themselves. And then there’s shame and then there’s blame and it grows. And it stays stagnant and it sort of kills them, kills a part of their soul. You’re so open about that. What do you feel is sort of the next level of this growth for you, of being more self-compassionate, self-loving, or whatever you want to define it, of maybe understanding that things just happen sometimes, and you don’t have to have it all figured out in that moment?
Amber: [00:57:20] I think for me, the next level is really focusing on just what good I have in my life, and helping me, and start meditating twice a day. In the mornings, I focus on what I’m grateful for. In the evenings, I focus on just what I can do to help other people have moments of gratitude. And so, it allows me to really focus on how do I build other people? What centers me? What keeps me calm? Having a morning routine has helped me a ton. Having an evening routine has helped me a ton. But just how do I take my gratitude and the things that I’ve been able to create in my life and the blessings that I’ve had, how do we take that and create that for other people? So that’s been like my next level of like-- Because for me, I’m big on self-care and big on self-love, so I have no problem taking a week off and being like, “It’s self-care week.” But I look at my friends who can’t do that or my family members who can’t do that. And so I look for opportunities to help them do that.
Lana: [00:58:25] We have so many things I want to say, and I know we got to wrap up. So, I love that you have a miraculous morning challenge that I saw the other day. I feel like everyone should look it up because I do feel like how you sort of operate in the morning and how you set the tone throughout the day, will be reflected back to you. So, having some sort of focus, it doesn’t have to be the same for everybody. But I love that you bring that up because that is so necessary for growth and for happiness and fulfillment.
[00:58:53] All right, we can have 5000 other interview questions but I want to wrap up with the one that I tend to ask at the end of the interview, which is, you talked about legacy already so I think this is going to be something that you’ve probably spent a lot of time thinking about it. You’re at the end of your life, you’re in a rocking chair. You are reflecting on all of the incredible experiences that you’ve had and who you’ve become. What are some of the things that you feel most proud of? What are some of the things that you want to feel most proud of? What are the miraculous achievements that matter most to you at the end of your days?
Amber: [00:59:33] I think there would be three. The first would be having children that contribute major gifts to the rest of the world. That would be the biggest one for me. The second would be helping thousands, if not millions of foster care children find their forever families and find the support that they need if they aged out of the system. And then the third would be knowing that my great-grandkids, my great-great-grandkids, my great, great, great grandkids will all have a very comfortable life thanks to the work that I put in now.
Lana: [01:00:07] So, you’re really thinking in terms of your lineage, right?
Amber: [01:00:10] Absolutely.
Lana: [01:00:10] And beyond this lifetime. Which is incredible to understand that this kind of thing does carry over from one generation to the other and that we are so much more connected to the future than we really realize. So, what’s one advice that you feel is a key to life? At least from where you stand now, that if you were to impart one piece of wisdom to the listeners, that is the one principle or the one approach that you feel like is the key to a fulfilling and miraculous life?
Amber: [01:00:43] I would say, don’t engage in arguments for the sake of arguing. And just because you’re the loudest, one doesn’t mean that you’re right.
Lana: [01:00:53] Wise words.
Amber: [01:00:55] I feel like that, in itself has been a huge piece of how I’m able to just switch up personally and compartmentalize is because I don’t engage in arguing just to argue. I will hear your point of view, you can hear my point of view, and then we can either say. “Yeah, that’s valid” or “Okay, let’s discuss more,” but I will not engage in arguing.
Lana: [01:01:15] Well, I love that you know where you’re going and you’re just going to keep going. And if somebody wants to stay over there and have their argument, more power to them. But you’re like, “Well, I’m going over here. This is where I’m heading.” It’s that kind of focus and being able to bring yourself back to that North Star, as I like to call it, that really creates those shifts over time that create these momentous legacies. But really it is just realigning many, many times throughout your days and your life in small and big ways. Those one-degree shifts add up. Amber, it was just such a joy to have you on, your work is incredible. I’m going to share everything that I can. Is there anything that you want for the listeners to sort of check out that you have going on? You have so many different businesses that I’m like, “What do you want me to promote?”
Amber: [01:02:01] I have so much going on, so much. Just follow me on social I’m @amber_aziza everywhere. Just follow me, say hi, and yeah, engage with my content and stuff I put out because I put a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff. I’m not the typical influencer. I show you the good and the bad of running a business.
Lana: [01:02:22] I love that you do that. I’ve learned so much from watching you and I’m just really excited for what’s next for you. Because again, you’re just starting. Not that I’m that much older than you but it’s just the beginning. There’s so much more and I’m excited to be along for this journey and see where it takes you. Thank you so much.
Amber: [01:02:41] Thank you.
Lana: [01:02:47] What an interview, right? It's so incredible to get a peek under the hood of somebody else's life. And it's easy for us to see someone's shiny experience and all their successes, and not see the iceberg, the 10% that is visible, but the 90% that isn't visible. And I'm super grateful and honored that Amber really showed us where she comes from, what makes her tick, how she's been able to really create an extraordinary life way beyond anything that seemed likely for her, given her background and her early childhood experiences. I hope this has inspired you in some way to see what else is possible for you. I mean, that's what this podcast is all about, right? I'd love to hear what spoke to you, what touched your heart, what really resonated and maybe ahas that you had, and what inspired action you can now take in your life to really stop making excuses as Amber reminded us, and start taking the steps to make the impossible your reality. I can't wait to hear your response to this episode. Thank you so much for listening.
[01:04:08] Thank you for tuning in. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Manifest That Miracle podcast. I'd love to hear your reflections and any questions, so feel free to find me on social media and let me know. If you'd like to hear more, please subscribe on iTunes, or wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you're ready to learn why you don't have what you want, and how to get it, get a copy of my best-selling book, Manifest That Miracle, at www.manifestthatmiracle.com.
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