Imagine this: you and your husband are fighting like cats and dogs. Years of frustration in the relationship seem to have risen to a peak.
And the last straw is when your kids see you fighting and there is fear and confusion in their eyes. That’s when you realize that you cannot continue like this.
Nothing is worse than the negative parts of your childhood repeating themselves when you are the parent.
That was me last August. At the time, my relationship with my husband seemed to spiral out of control, from a loving and amazing partnership to a lackluster and dissatisfying marriage.
This was particularly frustrating to me because my ‘work’ (it feels like play, really) is to help people deliberately create a life of their dreams. And yet, here I was feeling so lost, alone and hopeless.
You see, I had a decade-long dream to sail in the Mediterranean. When I heard about the Abraham-Hicks 2013 Mediterranean Cruise, I told my husband that we have to go! He smiled and said, “Sounds great honey!”
I arranged time away from my business, took money out of my savings, and waited for just one thing – for my husband to take time off work so that we could go ahead purchase the cruise and airplane tickets.
Two months went by and one night he flatly told me that he didn’t want to go. He didn’t feel like he could take that time off work during his busy season.
I was crushed. How could he not understand how much this trip meant to me? The more I got angry with him for ‘leading me on’ and ‘not following through with his promises’, the more he resisted and defended.
I felt so powerless.
From all of my years of self-reflection and studying the law of attraction, deep down I knew that this was not about my husband. This was my soul calling for yet another release of relying on others for my happiness.
The more pressure I put on my husband to prove his love by doing what I wanted, the more he fought back. And the more out of control I felt, the more I acted out and the worse the interaction between us got.
In one moment of anger, I even called him names. Screaming “You’re acting like an asshole” was definitely not my proudest moment. And I knew that it’s not that he is (or ever was) an asshole, it’s that I was drawing those behaviors out of him with my attitude.
He was responding to me, I was responding to him and the worse we felt, the more the tension between us intensified. At those times, it seems really easy to point the finger and blame the other person for the hurtful, out-of-alignment things that they said and did. But that never made me feel better.
Someone needed to step out of this vicious cycle, wipe the slate clean and change the vibrational atmosphere between us. Then the upward spiral could begin.
Deep down I know that he is a kind person and he adores me infinitely. I know that it’s within my control to evoke that loving side of him.
Wait a minute? Do you mean to imply that what someone says or does is always a reflection of me?
Yes, I do. And I’m not just implying it.
I am shouting it in caps: YOU SET THE TONE FOR ALL THE INTERACTIONS IN YOUR LIFE.
In my late twenties, I first learned that that each one of us has the potential to create a life that feels good to us. I practiced deliberately setting a point of attraction and I proved to myself over and over that I have the ability to be in charge of my life.
But just because I know that I can direct my life, doesn’t mean that sometimes I don’t create some interesting disasters to learn this at a deeper level.
Now back to the story about my husband and I. How did I transform our downward-spiraling relationship into the passionate, magical, compassionate love-story it is today (for the most part)?
I had a secret weapon – my alignment buddy.
As you may know, I fell in love with MasterMinding so much in the beginning of 2013 that I began to run my own sold-out MasterMind programs.
In the first MasterMind group that I organized, I met my future alignment buddy Lisa and we really resonated with each other. The weekly MasterMind sessions were exhilarating and powerful and we wanted more such moments throughout the week.
So we began to talk almost every morning with the desire to set a tone for the day and move deeper into the Vortex (that’s Abraham-Hicks speak for feeling good).
Sometimes we talked about our day, celebrating what went well and sharing what we are proud of. Other times we would focus on a feeling we wanted to experienced and do some rampages of appreciation about it.
The intention in all of our conversations was to find the best-feeling thought and move up the emotional scale (another Abraham term for moving from anger and blame to joy and harmony, one step at a time).
We knew that our time together was not for complaining or spinning our wheels in the muddy parts of our lives.
When we connected, we focused on appreciation and tuning into clarity and insights about what we want.
One night, after a particularly intense fight with my husband, I called Lisa and told her that I wanted to realign. I had just threatened divorce and I wanted to feel better about my relationship with him, whether we stayed together or not.
Instead of retelling her what happened, I began passionately sharing what I truly wanted to experience: trust, feeling heard and seen, clarity, feeling nurtured and loved, etc.
As I continued to feel into every word, it became clear that what I most wanted was to feel free.
I recognized that I had been waiting for my husband to give me permission to do what I wanted to do. But I didn’t need him to condone or approve my desires or decisions. He wanted me to do what made me happy (which he said over and over to me). So why wasn’t I?
I was setting a tone of feeling limited and bound and he was responding to my vibration by confirming what I felt.
It was difficult to acknowledge that I had a part in digging the big hole I was sitting in. It was much easier to point the finger at someone else.
But the only way to feel empowered was to acknowledge that everything that happened in my life had been consciously or subconsciously invited by me. And therefore, I could invite something else any time I choose.
Lisa and I had one of our longest alignment-finding conversations ever that day. At the end of our hour-long discourse, I came to a clear decision: I wanted to go on the Mediterranean Cruise by myself. As soon as I said it, I knew that this felt right.
And for the first time in weeks I felt like I could take a full breathe again!
I felt such deep relief. I felt free!
It didn’t matter to me that the sold-out cruise was starting in less than a week. All I knew is that it felt totally right to do what I wanted to do. I trusted that if going on the cruise was the path of least resistance for me to live my desire, then all the details would work themselves out.
Once I acknowledged my desire for freedom and I gave permission to give it to myself, my resentment towards my husband melted away.
I approached him after speaking with my alignment buddy and told him how much I loved him and appreciated him (and listed the ways that I see him taking care of me). Then I asked what he thought about me going on the cruise by myself.
He said, “Honey, if this will make you feel better and you will find more ease and happiness, please go. And I think some space will be good for both of us.”
At this point I felt total alignment with going on the cruise and I felt inspired to take some actions:
1. I called my friend who had a room to herself on the cruise and asked if she’d be open to having a roommate. She was delighted! Check.
2. I called the cruise booking company and worked my magic – they got me on the cruise and matched me with my friend as a roommate. Check.
3. I called my mom and begged her to come to help out with my kids. She usually needs to request time off months in advance, but it just happened that she already had 5 days off in a row so she just asked to take another few days. Awesome childcare was now in place. Check.
4. I waited until I felt totally inspired and then checked plane tickets. On 5-days notice, I found round-trip nonstop tickets LA/Rome for an incredible price of $1500. Check.
Talk about waters parting! As soon as I released fighting the situation as it was and allowed myself to admit what I wanted (even when I didn’t know the how), I could allow the law of attraction to bring my desire into my life.
Six days after the conversation with my alignment buddy, I was sitting on the flight to Rome (upgraded of course!), marveling at the power of lining up with my desires.
That cruise profoundly changed my life (read why here). I fell even deeper head over heels in love with myself and it led to an unprecedented renaissance within my relationship with my husband. Not because he changed, but because I changed.
Since then, I have taught pretty much all of my close friends my alignment practices so I have many alignment buddies to call, text or email at any given moment.
And this has made all the difference in my life!
Which is why I am BEYOND EXCITED to be bringing you an online course where you will learn about personal alignment practices and about how you can blossom your own alignment buddy relationships!
Now I’d love to hear from you: Do you have an alignment buddy in your life? How do you transform feeling powerless into feeling empowered with the help of others?
Blessed beyond belief,